InsaneJournal

I used to be an early riser. I used to wake up every morning before dawn and step outside to watch the brilliance of the sun make it's way up into the endless blue sky. It was a sort of ritual for me, something that I had to do every single day. It was a comforting feeling and despite the current weather, it was what I did. It is a beautiful sight to watch the sun rise, the different colors that expand through the sky from orange, to pink, to blue. It wasn't like that every day but each morning held it's own beautiful surprises.

It's amazing that the things that happen in your life can completely change your outlook on everything. What once was a comforting thing has become something I avoid like the plague. Sometimes I don't even want to wake up in the mornings, cursing the sun as it's bright rays peek through my blinds to interrupt my sleep. Each day I wake is a reminder of the pain of my past and sometimes I wish I would never wake up.

I probably sound emotional right now but that is not exactly the case. I avoid my feelings just as much as I avoid every morning. It proves to make life easier that way. To hell with everything but the bottle of Jack Daniels I keep at my bedside. Drinking is my ritual now, my comfort, what makes me feel good. But drinking is also my disguise from my own self because who I see in the reflection of the mirror is the very same person I hate most of the time. But I can't escape myself, I'm doomed to a life of hell in this body.

Hello Chicago, I'm Seth and this is my life. Enter at your own risk.

Written on April 19, 2009. Oh how things have changed.



Dean, Manning, and I. What a trio we are.



RAWR Kitten!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

All icons and banners are made by me unless otherwise credited!

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

| one | two | three | four | five | six |

| entry | text | poetry | survey | random | scene |